Throwing My Medal Back Is Doing What I Think Is Right

I had a lot of thoughts and feelings to sort through as we marched through the streets, and prepared to return our medals. I had struggled with questions about how my former platoon would accept what I was doing, as well as a lot of people in my life. When it came down to it, I was settled that I was doing the right thing according to everything I believe, and that I would always be at home with my brothers and sisters who marched together. I had a lot of confidence in the people that were with us, and the thousands of people who came to support us. It meant a lot to me that so many people understood what we were doing and why, and the it made the entire process a positive experience. I feel so relieved to know that all of these people understand our sorrow and grief for what we did. When it came time to throw the medals, all I could feel was anger for the situation that we were in, for being lied to, for being made into tools of a destructive corporate machine, for being made to do harm and cause destruction that was unnecessary, and for being made to defy the very things that make us human as we become part of a highly functioning killing machine. All I could offer the people to restore the harm that we had caused was motivation to move forward into the future. When 

 

 

I had a chance to speak, I told the world that our destruction was unnecessary, and that another world is possible, because I want to both acknowledge what happened, and look to the future. These people know what strength is inside of them, and they know that they can change the world, but sometimes the task seems overwhelmingly impossible, so I hoped that they would find strength in those words.

 

 

Throwing the medals felt like slow motion, and I can replay every moment of it in my mind. I could feel all of the anger, the hurt, the anxiety, the despair, the longing for understanding all surging through my body, and as I released the medals all of that faded, and I was left with a new sense of self. I dedicated that moment to all of the people who I helped bring suffering to because I wanted to make a better life for myself using the Marine Corps. I no longer carry the burden of guilt for my work to make a killing machine function as efficiently as possible. I could let go of the hatred that I had developed for the people who pushed me further to act without questioning. I could become a whole person again, an independent agent, acting according to my own beliefs, morals, and understanding of the world. I no longer have to rely on the rhetoric and blindfolded guidance of people who have only their interest in mind. I can finally tell the world what I think and feel, and do what I think is right.

 

(Source: Jonathon Anderson's facebook profile)